“KIKI, DO YOU LOVE ME?” Drake
Today’s message is designed to: 1) help men understand themselves and know WHY they feel and do WHAT they feel and do; 2) help women become better stewards of the lives of the men who are in their lives; and 3) empower both men and women to give God more glory by developing and sustaining more productive personal relationships.
“MEN DO NOT ASK BUT NEED” MODEL
Inner thoughts and feelings —> wired responsibility —> protection and provision —> emotionally and financially —> self-inflicted pressure —> weight of the world —> emotional support craving —> don’t know and don’t say —> a universal need of most men
APPRECIATION Proverbs 5:19
- Men NEED to be wanted. Let that reality marinate a bit.
- Men do not want to be taken for granted. Generally speaking, when men are taken for granted, they feel disrespected. Being respected is more important for (most) men than “love feelings.” A disrespected man will soon become an angry man.
- Appreciate both the man, the person, and his capabilities (or potential)!
- Show him gratitude daily! Appreciation helps insecurities!
ALONENESS Matthew 26:36-39
- Men need “alone time.” They are wired to need “breathing room.” Otherwise, they could suffer from “social suffocation.”
- Men need “space” to think, process, strategize, hang out with the fellas and enjoy hobbies.
- When women want to solve a problem, they tend to call or convene the “balcony” or the “tribe.” When men want to solve a problem, they leave the “tribe.”
- Jesus left His posse in order to pray. He wanted some “alone time”!
AFFECTION Proverbs 31:10-12
- For men, time passes faster than it does for women. So, the time between affections (from wives, for instance) seems longer ago for men than women.
- For married men, sex is important. Normally, the importance of sex is punctuated by the need for physical fulfillment. The need beneath the physiology, however, is social.
- Men want to feel and be connected. So, when husbands are rejected by the forever reoccurring “headache” or “long day,” then men feel disconnected.
- Demonstrate affection consistently.
Source: Dr. Shannon Kolakowski, Psychologist and Author
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